


Too Many Cooks (Too Many Cooks)

by VaguelyDownwards



Category: Kamen Rider 555, Kamen Rider Series, Kamen Rider Wizard
Genre: Haruto needs to SLOW DOWN, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3598638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaguelyDownwards/pseuds/VaguelyDownwards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finally determining that he and Haruto are dating, Takumi gets a visitor. Then another visitor. And another.</p><p>As it turns out, Haruto is dating a lot of people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Many Cooks (Too Many Cooks)

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as taking place just after part seven of hold on hope, in an AU where there's no weirdness with crossing between worlds. I made it a separate entry because technically everything here doesn't happen in the main fic.

“Takkun, could you get that?” said Keitaro as the door chimed.

“Sure, sure,” muttered Takumi. He made his way to the front desk with as much speed as someone with zero enthusiasm about his job could manage. “Welcome to Kikuchi Cleaners, how may I—oh. It’s you.”

If the smiling face on the other side of the counter wasn’t familiar, the atrocious sense of style certainly was. Takumi wasn’t one to care about pointless trends like fashion, but Shunpei’s talent for mixing colors and patterns that should never meet was enough to give him a headache. There ought to be a law against clothing as a weapon. “Good morning!” said Shunpei, oblivious. “Did I hear someone call you Takkun? That’s cute! Can I call you that too?”

“No.”

“What about Taku-chan?”

“Please don’t.”

“ ‘Inui-san’ just feels entirely too formal. We’re sort of brothers now. What about Taku-niisan?”

 _“Absolutely not,”_  Takumi said. He paused. “What do you mean, sort of brothers?”

“I guess that’s what you’d call it? Because we’re both dating Haruto.”

“You know, he may have failed to mention that.”

Shunpei blanched. “Oh no! I mean, it’s okay, isn’t it?”

Takumi glanced down at the ring on Shunpei’s finger. He knew Keitaro had a ring just like it. He also knew Keitaro didn’t keep wearing such a bulky and gaudy piece of jewelry. It was unwieldy enough that even someone like Shunpei wouldn’t wear it just for looks. He could do the math.

“He saved you too, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I—even though I didn’t particularly deserve it. I was maybe a little rude when we met,” said Shunpei with a nervous laugh. “But that’s how he is, isn’t he?”

“That’s definitely how he is.” Takumi didn’t bother to hide the fondness in his voice. Shunpei was still looking up at him with an expression of such earnestness that Takumi couldn’t help but sigh. “It’s fine. I couldn’t tell someone to give up something like that. I’m just, y’know, a little caught off-guard.”

Shunpei’s smile seemed to fill his entire body, making his already bright clothing almost blinding. “Oh good, I’m glad! I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of each other now.”

“Well, you’re certainly difficult to miss.”

* * *

When Takumi came back from a delivery, there was an officer inspecting AutoVajin with a concerned expression. “Ah, hello Detective Daimon. There’s not a problem, is there?”

“You know you shouldn’t park your motorcycle on the sidewalk,” she said. “Parking tickets aren’t my area, but I can’t promise everyone else would make an exception for a Rider.”

“Sorry, it sort of has a mind of its own.” He wheeled it into the road proper and parked it behind the laundry truck.

“I understand completely. I’m not here on business anyway.” She smiled warmly, and Takumi tensed. Unprompted smiles always meant bad news.

The light caught a familiar ring. Of course. Another one. He was starting to feel guilty for not piecing things together sooner, as often as Rinko and Shunpei could be found at the antique shop. Still, it gave him some context for the people in Haruto’s life. “I suppose you’re dating him, too?”

“Against my better judgment, yes. But that’s how these things happen sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” He made his way back to the storefront. “Er. I have work to do, but did you want to come inside?”

“Oh, no, I was just stopping by to say hello. And congratulations, I guess. To officially welcome you to the party, figuratively speaking.”

“Ah, right. Shunpei was here earlier.”

“Yeah, I’ll warn you, if you happened to lose any particularly offensive article of clothing, he’ll just find something worse. Just in case.”

Takumi gave a curt nod. “Thanks for the heads-up. Not that I was, er, planning anything. And thanks for the welcome.”

“I figure it’s the least I can do for anyone new to the group,” said Rinko. “And if you ever have any trouble with him, just let me know. He’s still technically guilty of jailbreak.”

* * *

His next visitor didn’t so much enter the shop as he did materialize in a sudden ray of dazzling light. “Kouta,” said Takumi wearily. “You’ve, uh, changed a bit since we met.”

The shorter Rider glanced down at his ridiculous shining finery and nodded grimly. “Don’t worry, I know it looks like it’s probably a little more complicated than dry-clean only, but it never actually seems to get dirty.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to come here just for laundry from. Wherever you just sort of. Came from.”

“I don’t get the chance to visit Earth much anymore, not since, uh, it’s kind of complicated. You know. Rider things.”

Takumi nodded slowly and hoped that would pass for comprehension. “So is there a special occasion?”

“You and Haruto! We’ve been waiting for you to catch on since the two of you hit it off so well back during the fight with Badan.”

“We exchanged approximately two sentences.”

“Two sentences and some very significant looks. Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all been there.”

“Who is ‘we,’ exactly?”

“Um,” Kouta blanked. “You know, I’m not really the best person to ask. I’m usually pretty busy with Overlord duties on my new planet.”

“Is that why you’re so…?” Takumi gestured at Kouta’s unnaturally white hair, the silver armor, flowing cape.

Kouta nodded. “I’m still getting used to it, but Haruto and the others have been very supportive. I guess I don’t need to tell you that he doesn’t mind that I’m not… exactly human anymore.”

Takumi felt a sudden twinge of sympathy for the guy. Fantastic. The last thing he wanted was to feel solidarity with a fruit basket in divine tinfoil. “Look,” he said, “I know you said you don’t get to visit Earth much, whatever that means, but while you’re here, there’s a guy you probably want to meet. I think you’d have a lot in common.”

“Is he tall?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never met him in person,” said Takumi. He didn’t mention that most people were probably tall compared to Kouta. “Why?”

Kouta shrugged. “It just seems to happen to me a lot.”

* * *

After Kouta left in another mysterious beam of light, Takumi decided he deserved a lunch break. He was walking back from a nearby takeout place, boxed lunch in hand, when he heard someone calling his name.

“Oi, Takumi! Wait up for me, will ya?”

Takumi sighed and turned to face his fate. “If you’re here to welcome me to Haruto’s Harem, I—” He stopped. He was looking at a kid.

No, that wasn’t entirely fair. He was about the same age Takumi had been when he first stumbled across the Faiz gear, and probably hardly younger than Kouta.

The stranger took advantage of Takumi’s confusion to swipe his boxed lunch with one hand while engaging Takumi in a complicated handshake with the other. Takumi dimly registered that he wore a different ring than Shunpei and Rinko. “Here, you can have that back,” he said, returning the boxed lunch to a dazed Takumi.

“Are you another one of Haruto’s boyfriends?”

“Even better!” The kid beamed. “I’m his friend!”

“Um.”

“Or at least, I will be? I think we’re meeting for real in a year or two. But that’s okay, I’m sure we’ll get along. I’m the guy who’s gonna befriend every Kamen Rider, Kisaragi Gentarou!” He struck an exaggerated stance that made him look more like an anime character than a real person.

_“Um.”_

“And you’re Faiz, right? The Orphnoch Rider? Tomoko looked you up after we heard the news, that’s so cool!”

“You really think so?” Takumi was not used to hearing “Orphnoch” and “so cool” in the same breath.

“Yeah!! Will you show me? Please?”

Takumi balked. “I can’t exactly, there are people watching, this isn’t really the place.”

Gentarou bobbed his head in acknowledgement. “I understand, say no more! We’ve been rebuilding the Rabbit Hutch on the moon, you’re always welcome to visit. After all, we’re friends now.”

“We are?”

“Of course we are! Fourze and Faiz, it’s like we were meant to be!” He dragged out the last syllable on “Faiz” to make them match.

“If you say so.”

Gentarou smiled as if Takumi had just guaranteed him a lifetime supply of puppies.

* * *

The next time the door chimed, a young man sauntered in conspicuously devoid of dirty laundry. “Yo,” he said with a grin.

“I take it you’re not here to pick up clothes.”

“Nah, I came to meet the new guy.”

Takumi narrowed his eyes. He was certain he’d met this one somewhere before. “This is probably a strange question, but do you have a dinosaur?”

“Haruto has a dragon, and you think that’s a strange question? At least dinosaurs are real. Or were.”

“Well?”

“Absolutely!” The combination of youth and enthusiasm was already reminding Takumi uncomfortably of his last encounter. “He’s not exactly mine, y’know. We’re more like partners.”

“Are you talking about Haruto or the dinosaur?” Oh, the questions he never thought he’d have to ask.

“Both, I guess. I’m Daigo, by the way, but people call me King.”

“That’s a rather,”  _pretentious_ , he wanted to say, “interesting nickname.”

Daigo shrugged. “It’s what people call me.”

Takumi decided that a guy who rode a mechanical T-rex could go by any name he wanted. “Do you have any idea how many more of you I’m going to meet?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only Kyoryuger in the neighborhood today.”

“Kyoryu… that’s about the dinosaur, not the wizard.” A nod from Daigo. “There are more people with dinosaurs?” Another emphatic nod. “Are you all dating Haruto?”

“Haha, of course not! Nobody needs that many dinosaurs all the time.”

“Most people don’t need that many partners, either.”

“I don’t think that’s why he does it,” mused Daigo. “I think it’s because he knows we need him.”

“You think so?” It made sense. Takumi certainly felt like he needed Haruto more than Haruto needed him, but it was an awful, empty feeling. He didn’t want to be just another burden that Haruto had to carry, the same way he was already a burden to Keitaro and Mari. He couldn’t even be useful as a Rider. Haruto far outclassed him in that regard.

“Then again, I’m probably biased. My kind of people, we do things as a group while you Riders go at everything alone. I can’t judge a guy for keeping as many close relationships as he can. No such thing as too many people who care about you, right?”

* * *

Takumi almost hugged the next person to walk through the door with actual laundry to be done. “Usually I’d do it myself, but there’s never any time with a baby in the house,” he said. “I probably should have sorted this or something, I don’t know, everything’s a mess.”

“It’s fine,” Takumi assured him. “I’m just happy to see someone who’s here for business and not to tell me we’re dating the same person.”

The man grimaced. “I definitely don’t have time for that. I’ve got my hands completely full taking care of my wife and child.” He handed over another tangled pile of dirty clothes, and Takumi saw the flash of yet another ring.

“That ring.”

“Oh, this?” The man held it up and laughed. “A wizard gave it to me, if you can believe it. But I don’t have time for that anymore, either.”

“No wizards?”

“Absolutely not. I wear it because, well, you never know when you’ll need something like that. Hopefully I won’t. But it’s probably a good idea to hold onto a magic ring, even if you think you won’t use it.”

Takumi gave Keitaro a concerned look as the man left. “You okay? You’re awfully quiet.”

Keitaro shook his head and kept watching the door. “I swear I’ve seen him before.”

* * *

Takumi heard the door chime again while he and Keitaro were sorting the man’s impressive collection of laundry. Keitaro didn’t seem to hear it, apparently completely absorbed in laundry thoughts. Takumi grumbled a mild annoyance and went to check the front himself.

The front of the shop was empty. The only sign that anyone had been had been there was a lingering chill, the remnants of the breeze that blew in every time the door was opened. Someone must have mistaken them for a different shop.

He was almost back to Keitaro and the mass of dirty laundry when the door chimed again. “I swear if this is some kind of prank, I’ll—oh. Hello.”

Mari stood in the entrance giving Takumi an odd look. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. It’s been a long day. Someone set off the door right before you got here, but they were gone before I could see who it was.”

“Well, whoever it was, they left their hat.” She picked it up from the counter, a pale lady’s cap, like a beret. There was no way Takumi could have missed it before, but he was certain he hadn’t seen it with any of the orders of the day.

“People don’t just leave their hats behind,” he said.

“People leave their clothes with us all the time.”

“Yeah but usually we know who they belong to.” Takumi frowned. “Something about it. I think we’re meant to keep it.”

“You think some mystery person just ducked inside, dropped off a surprise hat, and vanished before we could even thank them?”

“I don’t know, just a feeling. You’d look cute with a hat like that.”

“I don’t need a hat to look cute,” said Mari, but she smiled and put it on anyway.

* * *

“We don’t usually take care of fur here,” said Takumi. “Unless that’s fake, in which case we can probably do it.”

Nitou waved a hand dismissively. “Not a worry! I don’t have the money for that fancy nonsense anyway. No, I came to talk about Haruto.”

Takumi let out an audible moan of disbelief. “Don’t tell me you’re dating him too.”

“What? No, of course not. He and I are rivals, obviously. Just like you and him. I’m not sure if that makes you and I allies or rivals, but that’s a question for another day.”

“How exactly is Haruto my rival?”

“You know, the usual. Sparring against each other, learning every detail about each other, spending time together, making sure you’re both at your mental and emotional best for for the truest competition, studying each other’s bodies and how you work against each other, developing an intense mutual respect. It’s the most intimate relationship two guys can have.”

“Well, when you describe it that way.”

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?”

“Haruto’s not my enemy. We, uh, like each other quite a bit.”

Nitou nodded serenely. “That’s how you know it’s a really good one. The best rivalries start out as friendships, I think. Haruto and I kind of skipped that step and jumped straight to the physical part, but we’re still going strong.”

“That was entirely more information than I needed, thanks.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help. I wouldn’t be a very good rival if I let him slack off in his other relationships.”

“Nitou,” said Takumi firmly, “I’m going to buy you dinner. And in exchange, you’re not going to tell me any more details about your rivalry with Haruto ever again.”

Nitou gave him a look of admiration and gratitude. “He’s lucky to have you.”

* * *

Takumi’s phone rang when he was finally free of Nitou. “Hello?”

“It’s Haruto.”

“Just the person I wanted to talk to. I’ve got some questions for you.”

“That sounds ominous. Should I be worried?”

“That depends on your answers.”

“Well, hopefully I can start off in your good graces by treating you.”

“No good. I already had dinner.”

“Dessert, then?”

“Is it going to be donuts again?”

“Unless that’s a problem.”

“Donuts are fine. Unlike some people, I actually  _enjoy_  their special offers.”

* * *

The shop owner brought a plate for each of them before Takumi even had the chance to order. “It’s on me today,” she said. “I hear it’s something of a special occasion for you two.”

Takumi looked at his plate. Haruto had the usual, but his own donut was adorned with tiny frosting hearts. “Have you been dating him all this time too?”

“Oh, goodness, no!” she laughed. “I won’t say he isn’t handsome, but I could never love someone who only eats plain sugar donuts.”

“Thanks, Owner, but we’d like a little privacy,” said Haruto.

“Anything at all for the two of you!” she chirped and hurried back to the cart.

Haruto regarded Takumi warily. “So.”

“A lot of people stopped by to say hello today. I am apparently one of a great many people who are dating you.”

“That’s, um. Not inaccurate.”

“It’s not really a situation I was expecting.”

“If it helps, I was planning on telling you before we got involved, but things just sort of. Happened. Which is more or less how I wound up with so many partners to begin with.”

Takumi nodded. “I didn’t think you would intentionally be so thoughtless. It’s just… a lot to take in all at once.”

“I won’t blame you for being angry,” said Haruto quietly, “but if you’re asking me to choose between you and all of them, I can’t make that decision.”

“And I couldn’t make you. Not after I met all of them. They obviously care about you very much. I don’t have the right to take that away from anyone. It just… kind of takes away the sparkle, you know? To find out that there’s nothing special here. That I’m just another name on a list. Another part of the vast collection of people you had to save. And I guess I’m desperate enough that I’ll accept even that.”

“Oh, Takumi.” Haruto reached across the tiny table to cup Takumi’s cheek in one hand. “I am truly fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. And even with all that, I fell for you. Not out of some sense of obligation. Not because I thought you needed me. Because I’m happy when I’m with you, because you help me see things I never imagined. Because you are yourself, unique and amazing, and I want to make you as happy as you make me.”

“You’re going to make me cry in public, you sap,” Takumi croaked.

“Sorry,” said Haruto, passing him a napkin. “And I’m sorry for all this mess. I should have told you sooner. But I want you to know that you are absolutely special. You’re special when you’re Faiz, you’re special when you’re not, you’re special when you put up a tough front, you’re special when you’re making sarcastic comments about your friends. You’re even special when you’re pretending not to cry on the ugliest donut I’ve ever seen.”

“Shut up.”

“Not until I’m sure you know.”

Takumi glared at the offending pastry. “I know you owe me more than free donuts.”

“After the day you’ve had, probably.”

“I had to feed Nitou again to make him stop talking about rivalries.”

“I definitely owe you.”

* * *

They walked back to Takumi’s place hand in hand. Haruto pointed at the sky and named stars, traced constellations that wouldn’t be nearly as magnificent if a single point was missing. “Er,” said Takumi when they reached the front door. “Did you want to come in?”

“If that’s alright,” said Haruto. “I don’t have anywhere else to be tonight.”

Inside, the main room of the shared home was dark. “Keitaro and Mari must have gone to bed early,” Takumi said. He turned on a light and froze.

A familiar figure lounged on the couch, legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes flicked towards the two of them, and he fixed them with a lazy smirk. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he said.

“No,” said Takumi.

“Oh god,” said Haruto.

“I hear you’re dating the wizard now. Congratulations.”

“Haruto, why is he in my house?”

“I don’t know how these things happen, they just do!”

“Please, let me take a commemorative photo of the happy couple,” said the Destroyer of Worlds, and he lifted his signature camera.


End file.
